秋天的成熟

dun really noe what happened again.....
just had a 38 gathering...........
38 from the beginning till the end........
bring back nice sweet memories...........
laugh from the beginning till the end........
do i really laugh sincerely??
dun really noe....
sometimes i admire them.......
dun care abt result that much.......
they aim for pass,
if C is for pass, when they get C+, they will be very very happy....
this is what i had been told.....
i wish i could be like this as well.....
i always tell myself that result is nth....
as long as i done my best....
pass enough, not resit enough......
however, whenever i get the result,
the 1st moment will be like i din fail, thank god....
the next moment when i noe the result for others,
i begin to scold myself,
why other ppl can get such a good result,
why i cant????
i cant blame all these for the pressure from my family,
is true they have high epectation on me,
but that doesnt mean everything.....
i have my own standard as well......
so sometimes i admire them,
they noe they cant do much and really appreciate on what they get......
they also admire me,
always say how clever, how smart am i.....
however, how clever and smart am i only i noe.....
i noe where is my level.....
i myself hate comparison...
being compared from young till mature.....
everything can be compared.......
result, position, oversea or not, bf, even gender can be taken to be compared...........
one sentence from her could hurt me..........
i noe although she never mention it in front of me,
i realise it few years ago............
too bad that i am a girl, will never be a boy.......
i cant change myself into a male......
at least i tried my best,
with or without intention, that sentence will remain in my mind forever,
i am sorry,
i just cant forget it.....
although i noe i shall forget it,
i shall be happier then....
but i recalled that sentence whenever i get think of all these nonsense comparison........
what i done is wanna u all be proud of me,
i maynot be the best in others eyes,
but i wish i will be the best in ur eyes.....